Sunday, September 6, 2009

Growth and Development

When does it stop?
They say junior year of high school is the hardest. I believe it. It's the year where everyone expects the most out of you and more.

Junior year: SATs, Reviewing Colleges, AP Classes, Honor Roll, Volunteering, Sports, Leadership, Long Sleepless Nights, Community Involvement.

Senior year: it's all very much the same, but with the stressful additions of college applications. Whoever said senior year was easy was lying because I do not feel like it is so. I feel as it is the most stressful and overwhelming semester than I've ever had. I do recognize the fact that it would get easier as time progresses (probably because I'm still trying to get back into the gist of being back in school).
What ever happened to going to school to get an education? To learn? Because I'm definitely not learning in school anymore. It's all memorization to just pass the next test. The next thing I know, I don't remember what I "learned." When is enough enough?

According to America, enough is never enough. Standard bars for college acceptances are constantly rising and the pressure is on. Students have become more stressed and have taken on more than they can handle, me being one of them. After graduating from college for a bachelors, then it's masters, moving on to doctoral and if that isn't enough, a double doctoral... is that even possible? Well, at the rate that America's moving at, I say they'll push it to a triple. When does it end?

With all this hustling and bustling of trying to get my future figured out, looking at college requirements, I begin to question, "Am I good enough?" My answer every time, "Of course not. What makes you more special than the next person? Why should this college accept you? How am I supposed to get into the college of my choice? How can I stand out so my chances are just a little bit better?" I become more and more discouraged every time I see that the next student performing exceptionally better than I am. My frustration and annoyance continually grows each day I walk into the classroom. I can't keep up with the world's expectations anymore. I just hate it how the world sets up standards that very few people can reach. It kills me.

In class we discussed how although having a masters in some field doesn't automatically mean you qualify for any given position. We see Crawford as an example of this. Here, we saw a man with a masters degree in law, but wound up in an office writing a numerous amount of articles each day. We also see Bartleby's example. Perhaps Bartleby worked so hard only to end up as a scrivener. Maybe he only replied, "I would prefer not to," because he knew he deserved better because he worked harder or was knowledgeable. Now that I look at it, Crawford and Bartleby went through the same thing. They both worked hard for something (assuming that Bartleby had a masters in something), but wound up in a place where they deserved better.

My honest opinion of it all? "Forget school. Let me concentrate what matters most: My walk with Christ."
Yes, I have the right thought, but the wrong attitude at coming at it. Of course I have to complete my education and I have to do my best at everything I do, but I shouldn't be doing it to keep up with the world's standards or for myself, but rather doing it all for God's glory. And my attitude towards schoolwork is definitely not glorifying to God. (Note that I was using God as a reason to get out of school work... Repent? Yes.)

Today was church day followed by homework day. I've never been so frustrated and fed up in my life (with homework that is). But as frustrating and difficult my day was, I remember what we talked about in church. I shouldn't be frustrated and down on myself about getting into college and unsatisfied with my best performance. Although I am greatly discontent with myself and felt like I can no longer do it by myself. My pride took a step off the pedestal.

2 Corinthians 12:9-10
But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I will boast all the more gladly of my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ, then, I am content with weakness, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when i am weak, then I am strong.

And with this:

Philippians 4:13
I can do all things through him who strengthens me.

I can't even express how stupid I feel. "I can do it by myself. I'm on my own, with no one to help me." Umm negatory... pride sucks. I was doing it all for myself and by myself. Wrong attitude. So sad.

Yes junior year is over, but senior year has just begun, but I can say that I look forward to the help and support I'll receive from my Lord. As for my future of college and schoolwork. I lay it all in God's hands. He is sovereign and whatever plans he has for me will surely bring glory to Him. This does not mean I leave everything in God's hands and not do anything about it. This means that I have been given responsibilities to fulfill what I need to fulfill and the Lord will aid me in these overwhelming tasks.

1 Corinthians 10:31
So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God.

And although this was meant for Jeremiah, it is still encouraging knowing that God is in control:
Jeremiah 29:11

For I know the plans I have for you,' declares the LORD, 'plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

AP Classes, college applications, volunteering, athletics, and more.... watch out because here I come.

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