Sunday, November 15, 2009

Aggravation, Frustration, Deliberation

Aggravation: an exasperated feeling of annoyance
I'm currently running a marathon that I don't want to run. I know I have to finish, but there are all these tedious things I have to complete before finishing the race. I have to make sure all my college applications are perfect and turn them in on time, keep up with schoolwork, keep my grades up, make sure I meet the expectations of my parents, have the ability to perform well in everything I do. I don't want to, but I have to. Aside from schoolwork, I also have personal issues. One, dealing with a parent who currently has cancer (I may post about this in a later blog). I currently feel as if I were on the 5th mile (out of 26), running up hill and everything's becoming a blur and long-winded. I want to quit so badly. I'm over it all. It was great running the race of senior year, but this marathon is so much different from what I've expected. "Senior year was easy..." Ha- riiiiight. You're killing me.

Frustration: the feeling that accompanies an experience of being thwarted in attaining your goals
My goal this year: To get through senior year in one piece. So far, I've lost an arm and a leg or so it feels. My grades aren't at all where I want them to be. 2nd goal: I'm struggling so much to attain. I do all my work and turn all assignments in on time, but it's not just about turning it in for the sake of just turning it in, but to apply it, which I find extremely hard to do with all these assignments bombarding me. It's just exasperating and frustrating at how much is expected from me, but I just can't deliver, no matter how hard I try.

Deliberation: the act of weighing and examining the reasons for and against a choice or measure; careful consideration; mature reflection
I know that what I do now will impact my decisions and will make a difference on the outcome. For example, to get into the colleges of my choice, I need to keep my grades up to par or else I can kiss my acceptance letters goodbye. Although everything that I do seems repetitive and futile, but eventually, I don't know how, I know it'll benefit me in some strange way...yeaaah. If I won't do it for myself, I would do it for Christ, so that I may glorify Him, who is more than deserving of glorification, in all I do.

In closing,

1 Corinthians 10:31
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God."

Psalm 73:25-26
"Whom have I in heaven but You? And there is nothing on earth I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."

Currently Listening To: Jack Conte's Yeah, Yeah, Yeah

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