I honestly don't know how to start this blog, however what I would like to focus on is the activity that we did on Friday, in class, in regards to Hamlet's "To be or not to be" soliloquy. My conflict had to do with the decision of for me v.s from me.
Should I fulfill and meet the expectations of my parents and show them what they want to see from me? Or do I live out my dreams and in return accept disappointment? On my card, I wrote the following:
"Do I live out my dreams to its fullest potential or do I risk the relationship with my parents because I'm not living their dream?"
Growing up, I always imagined myself becoming an musician, whether it be in a band or performing with an orchestra (My dream was to go to Julliard and learn vocals and composition). My other dream was to be an artist, more specifically a photographer. I love ambiguity in art. I love the fact that I can make the picture into what I want it to be, express what I want it to express. This way, I won't have specific guidelines. Traveling: Always wanted to travel and live in Spain for a summer. Gosh, that'd be the best experience ever. Go to a real football match and just experience the versatility, but naturally I don't have the funds for that just yet. I've always found myself more of an arts person as opposed to a book smart person. I really hate memorization and questions that have more than one right answer, but really only has one right answer. I'm not smart enough! Can't we just let it be?
As of today, I have a heart for helping families with children who have disabilities. I want to impact their lives in a positive manner. I want to know that what I'm doing is going to make a difference, not saying that being a doctor wouldn't do the same thing, but really... who wants to go through that much schooling because I sure don't want to. Education has become so strict and I feel trapped; living my life in the narrow boundaries of education. I'm becoming so weary of meeting the unreachable standards of today's modern society. Anyway, back to the issue with my parents. Yes, my parents are Asian, so growing up, I only had to options: To be a doctor or not to be (as in to be nonexistent because I would be unsucessful in anything else that I would want to do). Joyous.
I want to dedicate my life to serving others. Who says I can't serve being a doctor? Who says I have to serve by the means of being a doctor? I've suggested compromise with my parents, but my pleading was futile; their expectations would not budge. I've become discouraged to the max knowing that whatever else I did would not win the support from my parents. My cousin wasn't any help either. Instead of being encouraging, he mocked my desired profession. I love my family and although they have expectations, I'm going to have to say that their in for disappointment. I am persuing my dream in becoming a speech therapist. What my family has to say about it? They think I'm childish and foolish. I've resoned with my parents a great deal over why I made this decision.
The picture to the above is titled: "Renovation" and it is by my brother dearest. I thought it was appropriate considering all the changes that I'm making in my life. Just like in Hamlet, Shakespeare uses words with double-meanings and the double-meanings behind the word "renovation" could consist of change, renewing, improving and to restore. I guess they're all really synonyms, but it depends how you look at the word and its definition. Anyway...So here's to the future!
My Purpose: To serve others with a whole heart and as selfless as possible.
1 Corinthians 10: 31-33
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."
Should I fulfill and meet the expectations of my parents and show them what they want to see from me? Or do I live out my dreams and in return accept disappointment? On my card, I wrote the following:
"Do I live out my dreams to its fullest potential or do I risk the relationship with my parents because I'm not living their dream?"
Growing up, I always imagined myself becoming an musician, whether it be in a band or performing with an orchestra (My dream was to go to Julliard and learn vocals and composition). My other dream was to be an artist, more specifically a photographer. I love ambiguity in art. I love the fact that I can make the picture into what I want it to be, express what I want it to express. This way, I won't have specific guidelines. Traveling: Always wanted to travel and live in Spain for a summer. Gosh, that'd be the best experience ever. Go to a real football match and just experience the versatility, but naturally I don't have the funds for that just yet. I've always found myself more of an arts person as opposed to a book smart person. I really hate memorization and questions that have more than one right answer, but really only has one right answer. I'm not smart enough! Can't we just let it be?
As of today, I have a heart for helping families with children who have disabilities. I want to impact their lives in a positive manner. I want to know that what I'm doing is going to make a difference, not saying that being a doctor wouldn't do the same thing, but really... who wants to go through that much schooling because I sure don't want to. Education has become so strict and I feel trapped; living my life in the narrow boundaries of education. I'm becoming so weary of meeting the unreachable standards of today's modern society. Anyway, back to the issue with my parents. Yes, my parents are Asian, so growing up, I only had to options: To be a doctor or not to be (as in to be nonexistent because I would be unsucessful in anything else that I would want to do). Joyous.
I want to dedicate my life to serving others. Who says I can't serve being a doctor? Who says I have to serve by the means of being a doctor? I've suggested compromise with my parents, but my pleading was futile; their expectations would not budge. I've become discouraged to the max knowing that whatever else I did would not win the support from my parents. My cousin wasn't any help either. Instead of being encouraging, he mocked my desired profession. I love my family and although they have expectations, I'm going to have to say that their in for disappointment. I am persuing my dream in becoming a speech therapist. What my family has to say about it? They think I'm childish and foolish. I've resoned with my parents a great deal over why I made this decision.
"I rather be happy doing something I love, than be a slave to work and ultimately, money."
The friction in our household has died down a lot since then, but there are still some disagreements about my wants. All that my parents require of me now is to do my best and be content in all the situations or issues to come.The picture to the above is titled: "Renovation" and it is by my brother dearest. I thought it was appropriate considering all the changes that I'm making in my life. Just like in Hamlet, Shakespeare uses words with double-meanings and the double-meanings behind the word "renovation" could consist of change, renewing, improving and to restore. I guess they're all really synonyms, but it depends how you look at the word and its definition. Anyway...So here's to the future!
My Purpose: To serve others with a whole heart and as selfless as possible.
1 Corinthians 10: 31-33
"So, whether you eat or drink, or whatever you do, do all to the glory of God. Give no offense to Jews or to Greeks or to the church of God, just as I try to please everyone in everything I do, not seeking my own advantage, but that of many, that they may be saved."
Oh Hannah!! I loved reading this blog. I think the way you feel is similar to the way a lot of us have been feeling lately. Isn't it funny what time does to us? We really are time's slaves. I mean we always knew that we would have to grow up, but it doesn't quite hit you until it's too late to do anything about it. I mean, we can't go back and truly appreciate our childhood.. But then again, how do you truly appreciate something when it still is there. I'm trying to find an answer to that as of now: knowing that there is less than a year before things really change, how does one actually appreciate what they have and who they have? I want you to know that you're not alone though. Maybe your family may be skeptical at first, but they'll eventually understand. Until then, there are many friends who do support you. =)
ReplyDeleteHannah, I'd like to second that. I loved your blog and I admire your decision to create your own path instead of just following the one your parents have laid out for you. While I, like you, am struggling between the different available career paths, I can't help but see myself doing what my parents want me to do just because I'm too scared to take a risk and figure out what I want to do for myself. I am envious of your ambition and the fact that you have such a good idea of what you want to do with your life. So go for it. I believe in you.
ReplyDeleteI also find the quote you used, "I'd rather be happy doing something I love, than be a slave to work and ultimately, money," to be extremely relevant. Our society often defines success by the size of our house or the make of our car. People are so afraid of failure and ultimately of the idea that they wont live in a nice house with a steady income, so they don't take risks and pursue what they might really enjoy doing. I hope I don't become one of these people, who are a "slave to work and...money." I know you won't.