Humbly His

Crown Him with many crowns, the Lamb upon His throne. Hark! How the heavenly anthem drowns all music but its own. Awake, my soul, and sing of Him who died for thee, And hail Him as thy matchless King through all eternity.
-Crown Him with Many Crowns - Matthew Bridges

What does it mean to be a Christian?
Does it mean that one believes in God and how Jesus died for the world so that we can go to heaven? Or does it mean that one believes in God and how Jesus died for believes so that we can have Christ and know that he is all we need and because of this, we know heaven is ours?

This is a concept that my mom has yet to grasp. In her final days or months, I want her to see Christ as her everything, not just a passage to heaven. I know that she knows that Jesus should be everything she needs and desires, but I don't know if she has grasped this just yet.

As it feels like the world is crashing down, I know that my attitude should be one of joy and of contentment, but my flesh says otherwise. I want my soul "to awake and sing of Him who died for me." Right now I feel like a corpse walking through life, playing catch-up to everything as of recent and that's not how I want to live. I want me to know that I'm doing the best that I can at everything, not just doing things just to get by. I noticed that the quality in work has decreased from being stretched so thin.

I know my mom is one who is very needy and when she asks for a small favor, about 20 other things follow after it. Just recently after being wiped-out at school, I went home and took a nap only to be woken up like the following, "Hannah? Hannah, are you awake yet? Han, are you-- oh good! You're awake now. Could you get me some hot water now please?" I lose time in just doing things I want to do. I don't find myself playing my guitar as much anymore, but rather fetching hot water ever 10 minutes for my mother or putting her blankets on her or whatnot. Nothing goes uninterrupted.

I want to do my best and keep my composure and patience with her because I know she's tired, hurting and can't do what she would normally do, but sometimes I just can't put up with it. I do my best, but I find myself losing my patience so quickly with her. She loses her patience really quickly also and both of our clashing personalities break out in total war... not really... hahah but I think you get the picture. It's not her fault because I know that she's bound to act differently due to the cancer pressing upon her brain.

While I'm serving my mother with an ungrateful or loving attitude, I'm later convicted of my actions and am reminded that I need to be doing everything with love and gratefulness or I shouldn't be doing them at all. I need to follow in Christ's example in doing everything selflessly. Jesus would do the same for me no matter how much I nagged or complained. I pray that my attitude and mindset is changed immediately.

"God is most gloried in you when you are most satisfied in Him in the midst of loss, NOT propserity."
- John Piper (Sermon: Where Is God?)
To hear the full sermon: Where Is God? (<---Link)

"I need no other argument, I need no other plea! Don't tell me he'll heal me. I don't care! Don't tell me he'll give me a fine car or a wonderful home or insurance or my best life now! I don't need it! Tell me one thing: Did he shed his own blood for my soul? Then don't cheapen the call! As Leonard Ravenhill said, 'Christ will offer you two things: eternal life and a tree to die on, but because of His blood, 'tis enough.'" - Paul Washer (Sermon: The Acropolis of the Christian Faith)
To hear the full sermon: The Acropolis of the Christian Faith (<---Link)